Monthly Archives: August 2017

I am enough!

I was minding my middle aged business when I received an e-mail from Jana, the Editor at Art Doll Quarterly.   She said Devon from one of their parent magazines sent her a photo of a pillow I had sent.  Now . . . I remember sending Devon photos of jewelry displays but I have no recollection of sending this pillow, (it’s the one on the right that says “I am enough”).  She asked if I would be interested in writing an article about how I created her and to please send other pillows.  Now, I have always been the girl who says “sure, I can do that” and then figure out how to do it. Then it occurred to me , (since I don’t remember sending her the photo, how the hell am I suppose to remember how I made the pillow!). . .That was the least of my problems. . .My head started spinning and I went down the rabbit hole. . .”Who is going to want to see my work?”,  “other doll artists are so much more talented than me”,  blah, blah, blah!  I needed to stop if I wanted to move forward.  So, I replied immediately, saying” I would love to and I will send you other pillows”.  That is how the second pillow was created, (the one on the left that says “trust”).  How appropriate!  I took step by step pictures so I would remember what I did and thought to myself, “Wow, I thought I would hate doing this type of process.”  My other thought, which wasn’t so healthy was “why does anyone care what I am doing”; but I did it anyway and this time I didn’t listen to the “Itty Bitty Shitty Committee” in my head . . .Once I pushed the fear shit aside,  “I believe in me” – (the middle doll pillow) came alive.  The reason I am telling you this is the only thing that stops us from being happier is fear.  Fear of failure, of success, of the “what ifs”.  And the truth is . . . what we fear the most is fear itself.  They are all made up stories in our heads.  The only truth I had when I started my pillows was “I never painted pillows before”.  That is true; but the other crap like “what if no one likes them” is a made up fear that I created.   And this is how I conquered the fear. . . I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down, “why not try”,  listing  every pro and con that was in my head.  Then I went back and crossed out everything that was a story and circled only the true facts.  I was surprised that almost everything was just fear controlled.  That was the day I grew a little wiser . . .Like the pillows say . .  I am enough, I can trust myself and I believe in me!