Overthinking Everything

We spend time fixing our hair, makeup, clothes, and bodies, but we let our thoughts run around unsupervised for decades.

One of my first metal Dolly Mama shelf sitters had the saying, “Obsessive Thoughts…Obsessive Thoughts…Obsessive Thoughts.”

At the time, I knew I did that. I just didn’t really know what it meant.

Turns out I’d made a self-portrait. In metal.

I can replay a conversation, reconsider a decision, and examine something from seventeen different angles. By angle eighteen, I’m tired, confused, and no closer to an answer. And here’s the corker: my brain is just warming up for an all-nighter.

It reminds me of Fred Flintstone running through his house. His legs are moving like crazy, but the same furniture keeps going by.

That’s me. Except the furniture is a thought, and I’ve passed it twelve times in five minutes.

Why do we do this, I ask you?

Well, research suggests that trying NOT to think about something can sometimes bring it right back. One explanation is that part of the mind keeps checking whether the thought is gone—which reminds us of it all over again.

That explains the wheel in my head. It does not explain the gerbil drinking on it.

And we’ve kept some of these thoughts far too long. If they were hanging in our closets, we’d have donated them by now. Although it seems unkind to give them to another woman.

Funny how we can outgrow a pair of pants but keep squeezing ourselves into the same old doubts.

And if we start criticizing ourselves for overthinking, now we’re overthinking why we overthink.

Very efficient. Two problems for the price of one.

I do love a bargain, but this is ridiculous.

How about this…

When an old thought comes around again, maybe we can notice it without immediately pulling up a chair and feeding it lunch.

For example, if we catch ourselves saying, “I always get this wrong,” we can try something a little more forgiving.

“I’m still figuring this out.”

Same situation. A little less bullying.

Reinventing ourselves sounds exhausting. I don’t know about you, but I like certain parts of myself. I don’t need a complete demolition—just a makeover in a few rooms.

Maybe we start with one small change and see where it takes us. We don’t have to get everything right, have all the answers, or turn into a brand-new woman by the weekend.

When doubt shows up, it can offer an opinion. That doesn’t mean we have to give it a room and fresh towels like we’re running an Airbnb.

Noticing the loop gives us a chance to do something different—even if we’ve already completed several laps.

We’ll probably never have completely quiet minds. If we did, I’d check for a pulse. But we can practice making them kinder places to live.

We spend enough time pointing out what needs fixing. Maybe this week, we could notice something we’re doing right.

I’ll go first: I like how my brain comes up with things that make people laugh.

I’m keeping that room.

The rest of the house is getting soundproofed.

❤️ joey